The end of 2012

Today I woke up and felt like writing again. It’s been a few weeks that have left me feeling like I’d lost my writing mojo and more than a bit guilty that I hadn’t been fulfilling my blogging ‘quota’ (whatever that is). This is, of course, ridiculous, because I started this blog as a creative outlet, something for me, a place where I could enjoy writing and sharing a little bit of my life with the world (and lets be honest, it really is only a little bit. A bit that I decide I want to share). The only person who is making me feel bad is me, so I hope I can listen to the more sensible part of myself more and just write here when I want to write. Is that alright with you all? Good.

There are quite a few things I want to talk about and so this post might be a bit haphazard. I don’t think I am going to be able to write about everything that I need to now, it might take some time to find the right words. Lets see how it goes.

It’s New Year’s Eve – a time for reflecting and thinking about the year ahead. I feel a bit less thoughtful and reminiscent than I normally do at times like this, which is I think because I don’t think I can make any resolutions this year and also that 2012 has been the year in which the most life changing things have happened to me. It feels like the wrong time for me to look back or plan for the future, because although the future looks incredibly exciting (and just a little bit terrifying!), I don’t want to do what I normally do and try and plan everything out. I want to go with the flow, see how things happen and how they change me and my family. Tom and I have done a lot of looking back, planning and general doing of things this year, so now is the time to sit back and see what happens. After all, it’s not like I can really control it!

So now to be a bit more specific. This time last year, I was dreading going back to a job I hated after a very short Christmas break. I needed to put so many control mechanisms in place to try and make the most of a less and ideal situation. Everything I was feeling then is different now: I am looking forward to going back to a job I enjoy, we’ve had a wonderfully relaxing Christmas (in fact we’ve still got another week off!) and when we leave our in-laws’ (where we’re spending New Year), we’ll be going home to a house that we own. Oh yes, and, I am typing this with a rapidly growing baby bump pushing against the edge of the laptop. It is fair to say that we did all the things this year: bought a house, new job for me, progress for Tom in his PhD and I got pregnant. Throw in some family illness, a few money worries, a passed driving test and a wonderful holiday to see a close friend get married and you can maybe see why I’m keen for things to slow down a little bit before baby arrives.

The last few months have been particularly busy, leaving us with the need to take some time not doing very much over Christmas. It has been needed for both body and mind and I know that I’ll go back to work recharged, something which so rarely happens. One of things that we needed this time for was to absorb some of the downs of my pregnancy that I have happened recently. If you follow me on Twitter (or are a close friend that we’ve been keeping up-to-date with news via email) then you might know that we had a very stressful week a few weeks’ ago, waiting to have another scan after the 20 week one showed some possible complications. I’m not quite ready to talk/write about that time yet – even Tom and I have kind of put our worries on hold for a while and just kind of made sure that we’re both ok and letting each other know that we can talk if we want to – but I will be soon, I hope. Maybe after 11th January when we will be having another scan where we will hopefully get a final answer.

In the mean time I am enjoying feeling the stronger and stronger kicks in my tummy from our baby. Tom finally felt a proper kick over Christmas and his face was a complete picture: pure joy mixed with surprise. I feel the best I have done so far, save for some back and leg aches. We have also been touched beyond words at the thoughtfulness and kindness of our friends in real life and in the virtual world who have sent us messages, emails, texts and wishes of support. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to each and every one of you, it meant so, so much to me and my growing family.

We also found out the sex of our baby. This was definitely the right decision for us and we don’t regret it at all, as it has helped us to bond with our wiggling munchkin and get excited about meeting them. However, we have been cautious about letting other people know, as we know some people like the surprise. Would you like to know, readers?

In just a few days’ time it will be the wedding of my best friend Lucie to the wonderful George and I cannot wait. Not only is Lucie going to look absolutely stunning (George, you will not know what’s hit you, I’m telling you now), but I know I will be balling my eyes out during the ceremony. At least this time I will have the ‘pregnancy hormones’ excuse! It’s going to be a great day, I just know it.

So, for now, I will sign-off and will look forward to meeting you all here again in 2013.

Thanks for visiting.

Love and hugs,

Esme

xxx

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